Dear Dingbat Bachmann: Please run…


Michele Bachmann hints she may make ’16 GOP primary 37% more hilarious by entering it

Fom  the Department of Good News That Really Makes Us Happy and Promises Lots of Hours of Childish Glee and Clapping of Hands, America’s Favorite Crazy Girlfriend, Michele Bachmann, is saying that she kinda sorta might be considering thinking conceivably about possibly perhaps who knows running for president again, if someone were to ask her real nicely, hint hint, bats her eyes, undoes top button of her blouse, licks lips lasciviously in a way that oddly has no effect on her husband Marcus.

Yup. The Girl With The Faraway Eyes, as Charlie Pierce calls her, is thinking about giving it a shot again and it  is a befuddlement and a wonderment to her why no one who writes in-depth about  the 2016 GOP presidential horse race is taking her seriously.

I know. So weird, right?

“The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running,” she replied. “They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.”

Yes, there is a chance! It could totally happen! And it should!

And why not, despite the fact that she is stepping down from her current seat because she appeared to vulnerable after a narrow 2012 election, and also there is  some icky-sticky campaign finance issues, and she has that habit of saying interesting  things like the HPV vaccination makes people get the “retardation,” or The Lion King makes kids gay, or the Founding Fathers got rid of slavery with the Constitution.

You may call those pearls of wisdom ‘Crazytalk from Loonytown,’ but her staff insists that they are  ‘gaffes,’ when what she really meant to say was, “Jesus loves you. Unless you’re a homo.”

Face it, who wants to watch Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Rick Santorum, Mike Huckabee, Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, and Bobby Jindahl try to out-pander each other by throwing the bloodiest of red meat to the slavering Tea Party hordes who have forced them to turn the GOP debates into a circus geek chicken-head bite-off, while Michele stands on the sidelines radiating the  heavenly glow of God-given insanity?

Not me. Nope.

Of course this could turn out to be one of those Palinesque  ‘maybe-I’ll-run, maybe-I-won’t’ come-ons designed to attract PAC money and speaking gigs and adoring crowds, in which case we can expect a Minnesota-Alaska No-Holds-Barred ‘G’-droppin’ Grift-Off which will be equally entertaining.

Either way, it is a win-win for America.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! etc. Infinity. Amen.



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